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The Warrior Lampoon
Sophomore Headliners

Sophomore Events


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Sophomore News

As the sophomore class began their cookie dough fundraiser, they have caused harsh competition among many famous cookie companies who complain, These kids are taking away our business! The slow earnings of such companies have caused many to cut back. One of these cutbacks have hit the Keebler Cookie Company with quite an impact. The salary cutbacks has caused one employee to become extremely discontent. Elmer Keebler, spokesperson for the Keebler company announced, I have made a decision to end my career in the cookie industry . When Lampoon reporter asked for a further interview, Keebler snorted, Hamscray kid. I only quit this gig because its so degrading to dance and sing on those commercials. The other elves I worked with were incompetent fools too. Keebler then put a cigar in his mouth, placed a pair of oversized sunglasses on his head, and grabbed his cheap-looking pleather jacket. He then shouted HEY! as he kicked the vending machine and a soda pop came rolling out. The little elf resembled a fun-sized version of the teen heart-throb, FONZ, from Happy Days. Keebler eventually rode away into the night on his Razer scooter shouting BUY COOKIE DOUGH FROM THE SOPHS!!!


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