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The Warrior Lampoon
Sneezers, The Walk of Shame and Drunk Kids #1


I don’t mind those kids who sneeze a lot. In fact, I may be considered one of those kids on certain days. But I’ve learned to NEVER expect a “Bless you.” Some kids, after they sneeze I can tell they want it so bad. I look at them and I see them anticipating it. When nobody says it, they look so disappointed and tell themselves that maybe nobody heard it. Too bad everyone did and everyone is just too lazy/hates you. One of the prime examples of this was actually when I was taking a Spanish test and my teacher sneezed. Here’s the scenario

Real Life Example:

Mrs. Ticona: AccHeEW!

Class: (Silent) * in our minds: yeah that’s right, no “God Bless” for you!*

Somebody murmurs “Salud (Health=God Bless)…”

Mrs. Ticona: *Probably doesn’t hear the person say it and is slightly disappointed and wants a “Salud”* AccHeEW! (totally forced)


The Walk of Shame

-         This walk has become notorious with a few other idioms such as “Grab the Helmet” and “Party Ass” that occur down in my basement when I have people over and random Fubrews. The Walk of Shame is something I find so interesting. It’s when a guy and a girl leave “The Closet” together. The guy feels “the shame” when he hooks up with a girl who isn’t too cute and girls get it no matter what. I love watching the people leave the closet together, all alone and the room suddenly becomes silent. People hold their pong bongs, girls stop gossiping, guys stop being drunk and everyone just stares as they leave the closet. I love it more when they go back to their respective group and they throw a comment like “I’m going to hate myself in the morning.”


Drunk Kids #1

I love it when you funnel a few beers and then try standing up. You feel so “nosh” as all the alcohol storms through your bloodstream. What’s even better is watching this happen to someone. As they stand up, you feel their excitement. Their face suddenly becomes contorted and they try to regain their balance. The best is when they try to lean against something and miss completely and fall to the ground. That shit is awesome!

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